“don’t stop believing”     -journey

I’ve totally missed the boat on being part of the cultural phenomenon that is Glee. Sure the television show is in its early stages, but those who are total “Glee Hards” have already been formed, and my new found obsession for the show seems even more ridiculous for a person my age. However, in true Glee fashion, I ignore my haters and let my Glee flag fly!

Don’t worry this is not a post to convince anyone that they themselves should watch Glee. I was recommended to watch it many times, and I constantly resisted, until Netflix put it on there instant stream. It was either Glee or watch Eat, Pray, Love ( a book so boring I didn’t want to do any of them).

Finally I caved, and watched the show, which has led me to realize two things; one–when your closer in age to thirty than twenty, squealing like a twelve year old over a high school romance on a t.v. show is not sexy and two — I really miss being an actress.

Now don’t get ahead of yourself; I don’t miss being an actress because I want to convey an important social message about love and acceptance through the medium of television.

No, I miss being an actress because I hate not being good at anything.

I’m like a Glee cautionary tale–child actor, high school star performer, a college graduate in theater with a BFA, who moves to Los Angeles to chase her dream only to realize she won’t “make it.”

The hardest part about me deciding to no longer be an actor has been that my identity was so closely tied to this career choice I have no idea what else I’m good at. I was a good actress, I loved to perform, and I had a place in the world. Like they say on Glee-’being part of something special, makes you special’-and it’s true.

As I continue to take steps toward adulthood, and leave my Glee years behind, more and more I miss the solace of having a singular dream, and thinking it is all you want in the world. I could have become a successful actress, but my dream collided with reality, and the truth was I outgrew it.

I’m totally reading into this t.v. show way more than I should, but I’m in vulnerable place, and I tend to look to imaginary worlds to show me some kind of reality of my own. I’ve found Glee in a time of my life when I rarely feel passion for something as strongly as I did when I was 16.

While Glee may be nothing more than amazing entertainment, the stirring in my loins when I watch it reminds me that I am someone that demands a dream for myself. I have no idea what that dream may be or where it will lead, all I know is that I need to head in some new directions (little glee humor for you fans!)

posted by: jaimemnavarro


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Filed under art, television

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